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Submitted by Valentina on Thu, 01/08/2009 - 15:35

Anorexia


Anorexia: Sexual, Social and Emotional.

 

What is Anorexia?

In Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, we suffer from addiction to sex, love, relationship, fantasy, romance, and codependency. However, there is still another addiction some of us suffer from: anorexia. As an eating disorder, anorexia is defined as the compulsive avoidance of food. In the area of sex and love, anorexia has a similar definition: Anorexia is the compulsive avoidance of giving or receiving social, sexual, or emotional nourishment.

Some Varieties of Anorexia

Some of us may not have had sex or been in a close personal relationship in years. Or we may be in partnerships, but find it difficult to be emotionally close. We may be the members in S.L.A.A. who seldom speak in meetings, disappearing the instant the meeting is over. Or we may be those who, outside meetings are barely social. Or we may be the kind who do not have intimate friendships. We may have many acquaintances, but no one we're really close to. Or we may have close relations with only certain people, our children say, but keep our distance from anyone else. There are many other varieties of anorectics as well. But whichever kind we are, all of us in some important way have distanced ourselves from experiencing love.

As anorectics or as people with anorectic tendencies, we may have a wide range of feelings and responses. Some of us feel overwhelmed in social settings. Others of us get high by socializing with a great many people in order to keep ourselves from intimacy with any one person. Some of us feel incapacitated by shyness in relationships with others. Others of us are in relationship but are passionate only in one area of it; for instance, we may be emotionally invested in the relationship but remain sexually or socially unavailable.

Just as our feelings have a wide range, so do our behavior patterns. For some of us, anorexia might take on the form of an overwhelming dread of making phone calls. Some of us function well in particular situations, such as the workplace where intimacy is not usually valued, but find we are distant with family and friends. Others of us have used alcohol or drugs to become emotionally withdrawn. Or we used them to become sexually, emotionally, or socially daring, while essentially remaining out of contact with others in any meaningful way. In this way, we have used other addictions to act out anorexically.

Are You Anorectic?

Ten of the fifty questions from the pamphlet are provided here to help you decide if this pamphlet may be of use to you.

  1. Do you go for long periods without being involved in a sexual or romantic relationship?

  2. Do you go without social activities for extended periods of time?

  3. Although in a relationship, have you found that, for a long while, you have not experienced: romance? sexuality? intimacy? friendship?

  4. Are you alone more than you want, but feel unable to change that?

  5. At work do you have trouble developing relationships, talk only when absolutely necessary, or hide out in the work?

  6. Do you avoid relationships with a certain gender?

  7. Do you stay aloof when in groups?

  8. Are you afraid of being noticed?

  9. Does being in the presence of others exhaust you, even if you like them?

  10. Do you habitually panic or push people away when they start getting too close?

    To find out more information about the SLAA Anorexia committee at FWS,                                  

(c) 1997-2003 SLAA Fellowship-Wide Services

Recovery


Characteristics of Sex & Love Addiction

  1. Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.

  2. Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.

  3. Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.

  4. We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.

  5. We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

  6. We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.

  7. We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.

  8. We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.

  9. We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

  10. We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.

  11. To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.

  12. We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.

 

Signs of Recovery

  1. We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction.

  2. We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power.

  3. We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.

  4. We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually.

  5. We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others.

  6. We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others.

  7. We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. We learn to feel comfortable in solitude.

  8. We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects.

  9. We begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.

  10. We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others.

  11. We learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.

  12. We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.

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